Technique Tuesday

May 24, 1923, a little boy was born to Jennie Cook Fletcher and Ephram Floyd Fletcher in a small white tenant house on the Borthick Farm, about six miles from here.  He had an older brother, Edgar Fort, a sister, Lattie, another brother, “J.P. John Presley”, as Aunt Lattie would tell everyone when he was born.  I have no doubt that they were all loved.  When Daddy was 22 months old, his mother died from pneumonia.  Granddaddy Fletcher was asked by his sister and brother-in-law to adopt him, but he said no; however, he did allow them to raise him since he had his hands full with 4 children who were 4 years apart in age.  It was during the great depression, and to say times were hard, is an understatement.  Granddaddy wanted to make certain that Daddy knew he was loved and wanted, and to understand that he was his Father.

This is us visiting the Georgia Fletchers...Bob is either taking the picture or stayed home to milk

Daddy loved being raised on the farm, where he was taught to work hard, and yes, he loved to play, too.  He and Uncle Bud cleared a lot of this land with a team of mules. He went to the one room school at Dozier, which through the woods, was probably about mile, but about 3 miles by road.  His teacher was Uncle Bud’s old maid sister, Aunt Ellen Widick.  Daddy loved to run to school to start the fire in the pot belly stove. 

Uncle Bud, Aunt Jenny, family from Oklahoma, Brian, Back: Bob, Mother, Daddy holding me trying to get away, Family from Oklahoma, Aunt Ellen

Daddy developed some bad habits early on, when he started chewing tobacco when he was 7 years old.  He was told by the black man that “if he walked behind Mr. Bud, and spit where Mr. Bud spit, then he would never say anything.” ….hmmmmmm…ROFL

My first birthday.

Daddy was spoiled, but he was taught responsibility and respect.  He loved his Aunt Jenny and would call her “momma”.  He bought her a small diamond ring when he was fairly young, because she had always wanted one.  I was blessed to get that ring for my 21^st Christmas and it is one of my treasured possessions. I would joke that Daddy never got a spanking, but he told me that when he was about 5, he was sitting on the back porch waiting for the housekeeper to come, and she was late.  When she arrived, Daddy said, “you better get your fat ass in there because Momma is mad that you are late.”  He got a whipping…

This is the earliest picture that I know of Daddy.  It sat on our buffet all of my life.

Daddy always had a vehicle, and the one we heard most about was an old jeep.  He told of going to a neighbor’s house where they would go up and down the huge hill…so “mudding” is nothing new.  He travelled greatly, often taking friends and family out west…funny, he never wanted to travel after he had a family!  LOL  BUT, he always made sure that we each had opportunities to do whatever was offered us.

When he finished the 8 grades at Dozier, he then went to school in town, and would stay with his Daddy during the week.  He hated living in town, so often, after school, he would hitch-hick back to the farm, which was about 7 miles.  MERCY!!  That was the way that so many got around back then.  Mother would tell about Daddy picking up somebody to carry them home, and I wish I could recount the funny stories they told.

Daddy was a confirmed bachelor, but for some reason, he decided to marry Mother.  I often wondered what it was that made her the special one.  I think he wanted a family.  Daddy and his brothers were like “baby whispers” and could pick up a crying baby, only to have the baby stop crying almost instantly.  I do know that Mother said she loved Daddy because of the way he treated his mother.  Uncle Johnny Harris, Daddy’s best friend growing up, came to visit after Daddy died and told that He (Johnny) would spend as much time as he could on the farm.  They would be hoeing the tobacco, and would be side by side, and then Johnny would look up, and Daddy would be far ahead of him.  Johnny said that he knew that Daddy was thinking about going to see Martha and wanted to finish.

Daddy would take Mother a pack of Wrigley’s Doublmint gum every time he went to see her.  They would often go get a milkshake at Fairlane’s, at the bottom of the hill.  There was some “scandal” about if Daddy actually asked Mother to marry him.  So, the story goes, Mother said that she dreamed they got married, and supposedly Daddy said, “then why don’t we.”  ROFL…Maybe in Heaven they will have “videos” of good events and we can see the replay to find the truth!  BWAH HA HA HA…

This is SO rare to see my Daddy barefooted!!

Daddy and Mother married on July 18, 1951 at Grace Baptist Church. She was 19 and he was 28.  We called her “an old man’s darling.”  NEVER was either referred to as “her old man” or “his old lady”.  Respect was observed~~always.  They had dug a hole in the land in “the curve” to build a basement house, that would later be added onto, but since Uncle Bud and Aunt Jenny were declining in health, they moved in with them.  One day shy of 9 months later, Bob was born.  Eight years later, the day they were to sign adoption papers, Mother discovered she was pregnant with Brian. Two years later, the APPLE of their EYE was born~~ME…The Best is ALWAYS saved for last…ROFL…Since I am writing this, I can take a creative license…

Daddy and Uncle George, Mother's oldest brother, in Florida

The truth is, we were loved equally.  We were raised with a love for God, faith, family, community, home and all the things that mattered.  NEVER did Daddy whip one of us, but Momma did.  Daddy had to simply look at me to send me into tears knowing I was doing wrong. Our household was not divided into “her” and “his” tasks, because both of them did what needed to be done.  Mother said that Daddy changed as many diapers as she did, but the feeding was always passed to her, because, that is where the food was!  LOL  Daddy washed as many dishes as anyone, but he did limit his cooking to grilled cheese sandwiches.  He didn’t sit around and expect to be “waited on”.  If he wanted something, he got up and got it…RESPECT…our home was filled with respect.

People who didn’t know Daddy, would say that he was quiet and shy…HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!  Well, Mother, like me, was LOUD, and it was easy to think that, but Daddy was a little social butterfly in his own circle of friends.  He is the one that did the grocery shopping, because he took Son to town each Saturday…guess who was his constant companion?   Yeppers, I was 2 steps behind him most all of my life, following him like a little puppy.  He would give me and my brother a quarter every Saturday to go to Gregg’s to buy candy, or whatever we wanted.  I LOVED to look at everything in the store and I am sure my eyes were as big as saucers.  The owners were so kind to us and treated us graciously.  The store was in a “strip mall” (ha)~~There was A&P grocery, Clindard’s Drugstore and Gregg’s 5 & Dime.  We bought our groceries, and Daddy would go get a cup of coffee with all the men, and we bought our “sundries” at Gregg’s. 

Daddy's Maternal Grandfather, George Cook.  His Aunts: Emma, Myrtle, Jennie (His Mother)

Most every trip to town involved us stopping at Clinard’s for Daddy to get a cup of coffee and us getting whatever we wanted.  I was fascinated by the LARGE COKES, that were about 5 inches tall, but sometimes, ice cream was the treat.  Those old men would say something to me, and I would instantly lean from my stool to my Daddy’s safe arms.  I wanted to be with him, but I didn’t want to be talked to.  I just wanted to listen.  On Saturday’s, we would often go to Ashburn’s Feed Store, where the old men sat around eating peanuts and throwing the shells on the floor~~long before it was popular in restaurants.  Again, I LOVED seeing everyone, but I just didn’t want to talk to them…I was painfully shy, but I had to be with my Daddy! I don’t know how Daddy walked the first 5 years of my life, because I was often curled around his leg in fear!

Daddy believed in going to the source for information.  If he wanted to know something, then he asked YOU…not somebody else, and believe me, he would say what he wanted to say!  He was not unkind, but he was straight forward, and didn’t mind telling what he thought, BUT what set him apart from so many, was that he didn’t feel the need to TELL everyone what he thought!  Several people have told me of the time when he was the Chairman of the ASCS Office (they were the ones who made sure the government rules were observed by farmers, and I think MANY of you would be absolutely SHOCKED at how the government CONTROLS farmers~~no other profession has such guidelines to follow!).  There was a certain farmer that lived in the Orlinda area (North Western part of the county) who would come in and complain EVERY single time a law changed.  They would explain and say they had no say, and had to follow the law.  Well, sure enough this man came in AGAIN, and said his list of complaints.  The committee sat and listened to him ranting.  When he was done, Daddy calmly and quietly said, “Mr. (whatever his name was.) we have (he gave the number of farmers) x amount of farmers, and you, sir, have caused us more trouble that ALL combined.  The man stammered and left and never returned again.

Daddy was a champion for young people.  He believed that you supported them and gave them opportunities, because that was the only way to learn.  At his graveside service, the son of the funeral home owner, told about delivering fuel to our farm on his first day, and how scared he was.  Daddy told him to take his time, pay attention and that he would do fine…That was pretty impressive to hear, 22 years later.  The day of Daddy’s 80^th birthday, he bailed over 500 bails of hay.  13 days later, he died.  The young man who had been cutting the hay, was so frustrated that the equipment was breaking, and his father/grandfather wasn’t around to help.  Daddy told the young man that this was just a learning experience~~we don’t like things to break, but it is part of life and we have to deal with it and it will be ok.  The young man recounted to me how meaningful it was for Daddy to care and to give him words of encouragement.  Years after Daddy’s death, a NASA engineer told me and mother about Something that Daddy did for him when he was working at the ASCS on his first job…we were at the funeral home for the death of this man’s mother.  Jerry told about making a mistake, and he knew he was wrong.  Daddy had seen Jerry at church and asked how he was liking working at the ASCS office.  Jerry told of a man who was making his life miserable because of the mistake.  Daddy listened and said it would be ok and to hang in there.  Jerry said that Daddy NEVER said anything, but he was CERTAIN that Daddy spoke to the man, and yes, he had~~in private.  He told the man that young people are just like adults, and make mistakes, and the ONLY way they will learn is if they are given the opportunity, and when they mess up, let it go.  He believed in the YOUTH and he was always friendly and supportive, but never preachy!! 

Daddy couldn’t tell a joke to save his life, but he tried, and he would laugh at himself.  Still, I have two friends, that all I have to say is, “he is crippled, you know” and laughter will ensue!  These two friends were at my house for supper, and Daddy tried to tell the joke, and we were all in tears from laughing so hard…Our table was filled with love and laughter.  Gossip was not part of our life, but we often discussed people, often resulting in Daddy getting up to call his sister to ask for details.  When Mother would ask if someone had died, he would reply, “if they aren’t, then someone did a terrible injustice”  (meaning they were buried…).  We were expected to be at the round table each night at 6:30, and if not, you best have a good reason.  Some things in our life were never questioned.  The same was true with church.  Mother simply said, IF you can stay out until 2am (or later), then you certainly can get up and be at Sunday School and Church.  It was never discussed at our home.

I told you that You couldn't see too many pictures of good cornbread!!

I have cried as I have allowed myself to remember Daddy.  There is no way to type all the memories that have flooded my mind.  I have thought WHAT the ONE thing I learned from him that was most important, and that is impossible to say.  I respected that he taught us that “if someone can live with it, he could live without it.”  He wasn’t worried about getting what he thought was due him.  He just lived life as honorably as he could.  Never did he tell us to do the opposite from him.  He LIVED what he taught us.  Our home was filled with love and unkind words were not part of our vocabulary.  I can REMEMBER most every cuss word said by my parents, because it was so RARE.  I can still envision the Saturday that Brian and I were at the piano after my freshman year of college as we tried to find a song to sing for the special music at church the next day.  Since I was now CULTURED, I thought we should sing something they had never heard.  Brian thought we should sing something they knew…we were arguing when Daddy walked into the front room and said, “Shut the Hell up.”  I’m not really sure what was said next, because I was in shock and you could have heard a pin dropping onto the carpet.  I do know, we had a song ready within 10 minutes!  YIKES~~that was the first time EVER I had been spoken to that way by Daddy, and the last time.

In honor of Daddy's birthday, I had his favorite food~~gravy.  I only had hamburger, so it was hamburger gravy over cornbread.  He hated biscuits...lol  He was as happy with sliced bread as with anything.  And, yes, I can make gravy out of just about anything! =)

So, I have left the title of this post as TECHNIQUE TUESDAY, because learning about my Daddy, is a lesson in HOW we should live…the techniques he demonstrated in his life, sure could make our world a better place.  I KNOW many of you have been blessed with good Daddies, and others, sadly have not, but I HOPE you have had a man in your life as gentle and loving as my Daddy was.  I miss him so much, but I wouldn’t have him living on this earth with a broken body for anything.  I laugh at those stupid posts of “who would you spend one hour with if you could” because if I had only one hour, there is NO WAY I would let him go again!  I was so proud and honored to have been his baby girl, and for the life of me, there is no way to comprehend why I was so blessed.  I KNOW you all think I just keep saying that, but it is true.  He was a good man who was respected by his community, his church and his family.  I always thought that Mother was the “head” of our household, but when Daddy died, our family fell apart.  NEVER did I realize how he quietly and lovingly kept us together!  I could type for hours about my love for Daddy, but I need to stop….

Daddy LOVED to bail hay. 

I LOVE you Daddy.  Thank You, God for allowing me to love him.  I am honored and humbled to “remember who I am”…~charlotte♡

I don't think a day goes by that I don't miss my Daddy...Happy 93rd Birtday in Heaven.   I bet it is so awesome to get to know your birth Mother!  Wow...I can't wait to meet all those people that you have loved and who raised you to be such an amazing Daddy...WOW...I love you so much.  Thank you for loving me and for being THE BEST.