I don’t think it is a great
secret that I wish I could just scooch past holidays without having to comment
to individuals…the questions of DID YOU HAVE A GOOD DAY…WHAT DID YOU DO…and so
forth, you know, those words we offer out of kindness…Those words almost push
me into a state of SHEER FEAR, for I have no satisfactory answer, other than
fine…
USUALLY, the day was NOT
fine, but who really wants to hear that! I have learned that is the simplest
way to have people exit your life…who wants to have a “Debbie downer” around~~
my apologizes to all those named “Debbie”.
I feel great sadness as I see
the postings of wishes for the day…of talk of family gatherings…or the food
that is being prepared to share with a family…Tears flow quite easily…I numbly
scroll through them TRYING to muster the joy that they were meant to illicit…I
don’t begrudge their wishes, they are just painful for me to see.
I have spent most of the day
on the back porch throwing a rawhide (yes, for those of you who are my FB
friends, it IS the one with Parfum De Urine {said in my sexiest French voice,
but remember, I am 53 and single, so it isn’t very sexy}) with Charcoal. I have enjoyed the warm sunshine (don’t hate
on me because it is around 70 and I am sitting outside barefooted with my pjs
on) beaming down on my face. As I sat
here with my eyes closed and them glowing orange from the beautiful sunshine, I
have, once again, been transported to the days of having a family…
I looked at the cabin~~old
and falling down, like many of the memories~~ and flashed back to the numerous
times I was on my belly trying to lure some new kittens out for me to play
with…I was AMAZING at catching new kittens.
I could out-wait those little suckers like a Hawk eyeing its prey…funny,
for a gal who has no patience! Having my
hands scratched and bitten until bleeding was never a deterrent for me. I would hold the kitty, pat them and talk
soft words of reassurance to them until I felt I had to let them go, only for
the chase to begin a little later…poor kitties…
I remembered the days of
playing catch with the middle child…I was and am still AWFUL at catching.
Most days were spent playing
with Brian, my brother who is 2 years older. I recounted the games of
HORSE…jumping off the roof of the small shed…swinging until the swing set
shook…walking to the pond to watch the bullfrogs jump in and hoping to see a
turtle…skimming stones into the water…running into the house crying because
Brian was trying out his “ras-lin” moves on me or giving me an Indian
burn…watching the spiders weave their webs or catch their prey…following Daddy
around like a little puppy…being awakened as he carried me back from the field
because I feel asleep to the hum of the tractor (BEST pacifier for a kid EVER)…running
into the house to show Mother something I had found~~she was NEVER too busy to
stop and look and to comment…countless walks down the road (barefooted) on the
blazing hot blacktop to go to the milk house to see Daddy, Son and Bob and to
put the feed into the trays for the cows…
I recalled the SOUNDS that
once were in our home…the family gatherings that were filled with
laughter…conversations…food…love…Now, the silence aches.
I have reflected on the posts
about the “empty chairs” and have come to the conclusion that those empty
chairs, through death, are often a part of the scheme of life, BUT what saddens
me more, is how those “empty chairs” should have been filled with new life…new
children…new in-laws…new friends and the fact that they remain empty, breaks my
heart…
I don’t think I will ever
understand the dynamics of a family. To
have had such a wonderful group of Godly people who taught us what is important
and how we are to act, and yes, THREATENING to haunt us if EVER we fought over
material things…HOW could it have gone so wrong? But then, I realize, we all make choices and
choices ALWAYS have consequences…There is no fighting…only deafening SILENCE…
Thankfully, tomorrow is
another day (SCARLET…um, Sheila)…and with it will come the newness of the day…a
clean slate…another chance to make a positive difference in the world…to try
just a bit harder, to accept the consequences of the choices I have made or
have had to accept because of the choices OTHERS have made…it is all just
called LIFE…
We take the good, we take the
bad, and there we have~~the Facts of LIFE!
;)
Lest I be accused of being the Thanksgiving Grumpy Green Guy, I DID fix me and Charcoal some crunchy cornbread and some cream of chicken to go over it...He liked it VERY much...we also had popcorn with butter and Coke (he eats the ice).
My apologizes for those
feeling sad for me right now…please don’t because I REALLY am FINE…I just have
a little problem with 3D people, these days.
I do much better with the flat-screen type!
I have counted my blessings
and have prayed several prayers of Thanksgiving…I am glad that I have chosen to
live my life THANKFULLY each day, not relying on only ONE appointed day to Give
Thanks.
Challenges are not unique to
only me…we all have them~~some by our own choice, and some just because LIFE
happens and we sometimes, really do reap what we sow! BUT most of the time, I think we are granted
GRACE and MERCY and given SO MUCH BETTER than we deserve…
I am one who has gotten SO
MUCH BETTER than I deserve! The
foundations laid for me in my past have helped make my journey so blessed. I am counting my blessings today…YOU have crossed
my path and have made a difference in my life, so I offer THANKS for that…I’m
not so sad…just waxing sentimental…
IF you are reading this, MAKE
TIME for those you love…if you are in a relationship that makes you CHOOSE to
leave your family or friends, PLEASE get counseling, because that is NOT how
God wants us to be…STOP nit-picking your family apart…support them…accept
them…love them, because I PROMISE the things you don’t like in someone else,
can be FOUND in YOU (my momma taught me that!)…the next time you get ticked
because your husband left his dirty socks on the floor, just throw yours down
there with them and laugh your butt off instead of being angry over something
that does NOT matter in the grand scheme of life. Quit telling your friends what is WRONG with
your spouse, or making sexist jokes, because they destroy a relationship…Tell
your friends about the AMAZING things that you love about your spouse, your
in-laws, your children and extended family! It is a HABIT…make it a good habit.
Oh my little peeps, life is
so short…so fragile…so important! SEEK
ye FIRST, the kingdom of God and ALL these things will be added unto YOU…I send
Blessings to You that are too many to count!...~charlotte
